The Golden Rule

So my wife and I broke our golden rule yesterday. We went to Costco on a Sunday afternoon. This is just about the worst idea, ever. Going to Costco on a weekend is about as close as you can come to being in Hell while you are still alive. It makes you want to commit wanton acts of senseless violence. The parking lot itself is an adventure. There are approximately 8 million people who cannot drive, all circling to find parking spots. Meanwhile, there are families of semi literate, mouth breathing adults and wild animals crossing the road in all directions. I swear I saw some guy herding a flock of goats at one point.

Then, once you get inside, it all just gets worse. There are tribes of indigenous children who live inside the Costco, living off free samples and sleeping in the clothing bins. If they capture you, you must perform feats of magic and skill, lest you be sacrificed to their god, the Great and Powerful Half-Off. No one has any idea where to push their shopping carts loaded down with 300 rolls of toilet paper and remaindered socks. So they all just sort of ram into each other, making forward progress impossible.

No one who works at Costco knows anything. When asked, they provide you with a map to the Oracle, who may or may not be able to tell you where the meat section is and speaks only in iambic pentameter. The only good thing about Costco is that you can buy anything thing there. Need a coffin, plasma tv, aquarium, 15 pound bag of peanuts, and a shotgun? Costco has you covered buddy. We finally were able to escape by brandishing torches and swords (isles 5 and 14, respectively), losing only 2 Sherpa's in the process.

The best part: We pay for the privilege of shopping there.

Now a crazy police vid for no reason at all: